update

so I see it is really easy to cycle on and off this thing but now I finally have a little time and presence of mind to update on whats been going on in my life.

where do I start.... well gosh so much has happened in the last few days its kinda crazy. Satuurday I went to DC with Kimberly to get David. The trip was long in more ways than one but overall really fun. Just a little note to all of you out there unless you are like OBSESSED with the beauty of flowers do not, I repeat do NOT go to DC during the Cherry Blossom festival. It is INSANE! Just waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many people. My favorite part of the trip was going to the National Art Gallery, I didn't think we would have time for anything like that but we made the time. It was really cool to see paintings by artists i had been studying in class and in some clases the actual works from the tests. David walked around with me most of the time and it was really nice sharing what I had learned with him, he seemed really interested and that meant alot to me.

sunday was the mission trip share service. getting up at 7:30 wasn't fun, but early in the morning I will rise to meet Him. I loved the services, everyone shared really good stuff some i had already heard and some I hadn't... I shared my testimony from the trip at the 8:30 service. As always I had pages of notes to consult ... NOT. I spoke from my heart and even I wasn't entirely sure where I was going when I said it but God did and I think He spoke through what i said. I was touched by the people who thanked me for sharing, hopefully they were as touched as I was by the movement of God in my life. In case you missed it I will include the sripture I read, and coincidently Dr.Harper shared in his sermon prior tome sharing as well, was 2 Corinthians 12 : 9-10.

"⁹but he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ¹⁰Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong."

Monday was fairly uneventful, except for watching the best movie ever outside at State. (Napoleon Dynamite, idiot gossssh!)

Tuesday was an incredibly eventful day at least thought-wise. I have noticed God beginning to take hold and root out things in my life, which is like the most awesome and thought-provoking things ever, basically. So first off, i was talking to one of my friends about waiting to kiss until the altar. Now previously I had thought this the most rediculous thing ever but after listening to my friend's point of view, I began to think that I hadn't given this thought proper consideration. I mean I def had an over hour long conversation at the farmhouse about this but i will try to sum it up. Basically, society has influenced me way too much ... prob all of us when you get down to it but what do they show everywhere is that kissing means I love you and you need that physical validation in the relationship, I don't think that is what God designed. I guess this is what happens when you start looking at things through God filtering lenses. Anyway I guess i am giving this some major consideration right now and praying about it, to see if this is a commitment God would have me make, I would love to have others feedback and opinions on this.

Tuesday night bible study was too crazy to talk about here, you can ask me about it if you are curious. But I will say this always, always, always make sure you are grounding your arguments and discussions in the Word.

Wednesday I ended up spending some time in most favorite place, Rex emergency room with Liz and friends. Fortunately Liz is ok and didn't have to stay overnight! However it does make me concerned and I think I need to break down and go to "the doctor," but I reallllly don't want to. So I will be praying about that.

Thats all for now ... this update has been way too long but lots have been going on in my life....

*sigh*

Well lack of sleep has still not slowed my reflectiveness, if anything it has made it worse.

So this morning while it is incredibly slow at work I made the mistake of cleaning out my inbox. Reading through old emails certainly brought a lot of things to the surface, and I am not talking about happy things.

Bittersweet memories.... *sigh* It's hard to know when to fight and when to let go. I seem pretty good at letting go, in theory, and not so good at fighting. You know they say God brings people into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.... I don't really know how I feel about that, I mean to some extent I know that it is true but sometimes if feels like a scapegoat. An easy out when it gets harder to maintain a friendship.... hmmm.

Even though I was up late "studying," well I was studying but it wasn't incredibly productive. Anyway I made time to sit down and start reading John. I was really... convicted... I am not sure if that is the right word... anyway I thought Dr. Harper's sermon on Sunday was really good, and I really felt challenged (thats maybe a better word) to start reading through John to prepare for the sermon's and for general enrichment. But the idea of studying John individually but as a congregation gave me chills. It's just exciting to think about because I know God can take those small steps of faithfulness and transform my life and the whole church. So if you are reading this I would strongly encourage anyone reading this who goes to Forest Hills (and even if you don't you can always enrich yourself in the Word) to start reading through John. I think its really going to help me understand the sermons better and allow to go deeper with my understanding.

In other news bible study last night was interesting. At first I was a little aggitated or confused or both because we were talking about our mission or purpose in life, and this is kind of a sensitive area for me right now with graduation looming. But at first I felt like she was trying to say that basically to merge faith and career we needed to do "ministry." After talking for a while though I realized that wasn't the case and relaxed a little. Anyway the biggest thing I really got out of the bible study wasn't even something we covered technically. We were talking about Philippians 1 and I was skiming through it and saw one of my favorite bible passages I thank God everytime I think of you and kept reading and stumbled upon a verse that I can't recall ever reading but probably have, anyway it really spoke to me it was Philippians 1:18 "What does it matter? Just this, that Christ is proclaimed in every way, whether out of false motives or true; and in that I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice"

Duty calls maybe I will have time to finish my thoughts on this later.

thoughts, ramblings, burdens

I have been in a surprisingly introspective mood the past couple days. I am not sure why, I certainly have plenty of other things to keep me occupied, but perhaps it is just my procrastinating nature even important reflection can be used for evil.

The thoughts swirling in my head are both random and disturbing. Starting with my reoccuring dream of being in an accident. Last night marks the third night in a row I dreamed I was in a car accident. Not the same accident, a different one each time, its quite disturbing because its so real i wake myself up and then have to think if it really happened or not. Maybe I should go look in one of those dream journals....

"Common symbol of the self, the “the direction we are headed in our lives.” A more immediate symbol than planes and trains and ships (which indicate larger concerns and transitions) due to its ubiquity in everyday living.Dreams of car accidents, as a rule, should not be considered literally precognitive. They are reflections of emotional “loss of control,” however, which causes excessive behaviors and erratic decisions in waking life." ~www.dreamdoctor.com

Well that solves it, I am experiencing an emotional loss of control. Riiiight, well maybe that is the is reason I feel so thoughtful lately.

In other news I have been evaluating my life lately, specifically my relationships with others. Some things have come to my attention lately that have given me pause, and have made me take a step back and think through how I have relationship with others. A question that hit me on my drive home this afternoon is, "Do I have Christ-centered relationships?" I mean sure I have a lot of christian friends, but how am I relating to them.... This will require much more thought and reflection on my part but already I am being shown or am realizing the shallowness of most of my relationships.

And I don't mean to say that I should be beating everyone over the head with my bible but I mean am I sharing my walk with others? Sharing what I am learning or not learning? My struggles? My praises? and are people sharing these with me? Do people feel comfortable sharing with me? Am I to judgemental? Do I give God-centered/ God-inspired advice?

The answers are maybe... sometimes, but not nearly enough. This business of being in relationship with others grows more complex everyday... I will keep thinking and keep you posted.