*sigh*

Well lack of sleep has still not slowed my reflectiveness, if anything it has made it worse.

So this morning while it is incredibly slow at work I made the mistake of cleaning out my inbox. Reading through old emails certainly brought a lot of things to the surface, and I am not talking about happy things.

Bittersweet memories.... *sigh* It's hard to know when to fight and when to let go. I seem pretty good at letting go, in theory, and not so good at fighting. You know they say God brings people into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.... I don't really know how I feel about that, I mean to some extent I know that it is true but sometimes if feels like a scapegoat. An easy out when it gets harder to maintain a friendship.... hmmm.

Even though I was up late "studying," well I was studying but it wasn't incredibly productive. Anyway I made time to sit down and start reading John. I was really... convicted... I am not sure if that is the right word... anyway I thought Dr. Harper's sermon on Sunday was really good, and I really felt challenged (thats maybe a better word) to start reading through John to prepare for the sermon's and for general enrichment. But the idea of studying John individually but as a congregation gave me chills. It's just exciting to think about because I know God can take those small steps of faithfulness and transform my life and the whole church. So if you are reading this I would strongly encourage anyone reading this who goes to Forest Hills (and even if you don't you can always enrich yourself in the Word) to start reading through John. I think its really going to help me understand the sermons better and allow to go deeper with my understanding.

In other news bible study last night was interesting. At first I was a little aggitated or confused or both because we were talking about our mission or purpose in life, and this is kind of a sensitive area for me right now with graduation looming. But at first I felt like she was trying to say that basically to merge faith and career we needed to do "ministry." After talking for a while though I realized that wasn't the case and relaxed a little. Anyway the biggest thing I really got out of the bible study wasn't even something we covered technically. We were talking about Philippians 1 and I was skiming through it and saw one of my favorite bible passages I thank God everytime I think of you and kept reading and stumbled upon a verse that I can't recall ever reading but probably have, anyway it really spoke to me it was Philippians 1:18 "What does it matter? Just this, that Christ is proclaimed in every way, whether out of false motives or true; and in that I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice"

Duty calls maybe I will have time to finish my thoughts on this later.