me vs. Christ

you know the problem with studying the Word, is that God starts revealing things to you and then you start thinking and feeling the sprouts of conviction and then you have to start making choices....

so i am reading through ephesians and am on my second day of chapter 4. and there is all kinds of good stuff in there, but the last 3 verses really got to me today.

"And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, as tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ as forgiven you."

I was really struck with the idea of grieving the Holy Spirit... I mean I have this kind of distant idea in my mind you know oh when I "sin" that it upsets God. Queue parental I am so disappointed in you look, but the idea of causing the Holy Spirit to grieve, just *sigh*. Grieving is just this intense long process and the thought of me inflicting that upon anyone, let alone Christ, that is just a painful thought.

my prayer

Dear Lord,

I make this prayer today....

I pray that, according to the riches of Your glory, You may grant that I may be strengthened in my inner being with power through Your Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith, as I am being rooted and grounded in love. I pray that I may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the bradth and length and height and depth, and to know Your love that surpasses all knowledge, so that I may be filled with all fullness of You.

~humbly Yours~

(adapted from ephesians 3:16-19)

earned grace??

so today started week 2 of my new job. i am really enjoying it, which is such a blessing, and the people in the office are great. we really seem to be getting along and meshing well together.

i also followed through on my quiet time during lunch. i think this could be really awesome. today i read ephesians 2 and some of blue like jazz in prep for tomorrows bible study. the really neat thing is that they kind of related to each other.

ephesians 2 talks about grace versus works.
"⁸For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹not by works, so that no one can boast."

then in blue like jazz he talks about accepting grace freely. its hard to accept that we don't do anything to deserve forgiveness. it not a matter of God scratches my back and i scratch His. its just a free gift that we have to learn to accept, and that's the hard part.

life today

you ever just try to do the right thing and it goes horribly wrong??

** insert my thoughts here**

thats for all the thoughts there are not words to verbalize, seems to be happening to me a lot lately.


today concluded my first full week at my first "real" job. so far so good, the people in the office with me I think I really like. my humor seems to gel with them or they at least find it amusing so I am pretty stoked about that.

also I am trying to start bible reading time during lunch, since I have lunch by myself most days and I am awake and alert during that time (mostly) I figure it will be an awesome time to do that.

so thats all for now I suppose....

recreation

apparently this is my time of the year to blog.... spring cleaning of the mind perhaps??

anyway since getting back from Mission Trip there have been lots of thoughts swirling in my head. one of the few times i feel the need to unburden myself in the written form. i am not even sure what i want or need to say really just feel the need to write. it reminds me of that new anna nalick song that i like so much....

" 2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to"

now the italics won't turn off...

it's like waking up and suddenly I am not sure I know the person I am, and certainly not sure if I like it. to see that image reflecting back where every facet of my personality is separated and enlarged for examination is overwhelming. how do i start? where do i begin? where can i run and hide?

God is trying to work in me, to create something perfect out of his flawed creation. i am not sure i am ready to molded yet... being broken down and reformed cannot be easy.