ignorance is bliss...
It's amazing how happiness can deteriorate so unnoticeably. It is so easy to let happiness slip away inch by inch and let it be replaced with complacency. Today it as if my eyes have been opened to the state my life is in.
Its hard to pinpoint when things started going downhill, all of a sudden things have just spiraled out of control. I am barely even a shell of the person I was, or desire to be, or something. All thats left is some kind of mask that put on for others so as not to appear to be struggling, or unhappy. Eventually the mask begins to crack and you starting and doing things that aren't you (or maybe are more you than you would like to admit).
For the past year I have been lonely and isolationist.... compartmentalizing my life and showing people what I think they want to see. If you don't admit you have a problem it doesn't exist. Eventually this hopelessness begins to consume, the idea that this is how things must be, this is as good as it gets keeps repeating until you accept it and don't even realize it. I am not exactly sure how I ended up here but now that I realize where here is maybe I can begin find my way back to the place where God would have me be.
posted by YolandaAsh @ 10:41 PM
2 Comments:
I could say many things, but I will just go for the shallow one, hopefully you will understand why. Have you noticed the date we both started our blogs? it was almost at the same time (one week bfore I turned 30 in my case), one year bfore we met
Ashley, thank you for your honesty in this post. I too struggle with some of the things you pointed out, such as isolating myself from people, and especially trying to show them what I think they want to see. I would encourage you to think about the idea that people may just want to see the real you, even if it doesn't always live up to their standards of a perfect person. At the end of the day I believe that I am better off as a pretty good version of myself, rather than a poor imitation of someone else. This is true even if the person I might imitate is more acceptable to some. I hope this does not sound like preaching, because I can honestly say I have a hard time with this, and I don't have it all figured out. I would be interested to hear your thoughts.
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